Drake Shares

 

Perry Drake was so very gracious in sharing his grief over the loss of his incredible wife Rhonda, This blog captures the essence of two social media communications from Perry.

They say it will get easier as time goes on. I certainly hope so. Losing a parent/sibling is tough but losing a spouse/life partner is just different. It is like losing a part of yourself. You feel at a loss in so many ways. Rhonda was such a huge part of who I am and became. She was my compass. She instilled in me so many great values. We were a team for 35+ years. She was the first person I saw in the morning when we woke up (okay, on occasion it might have been Taco or Peanut) and the last person I saw before we went to sleep.

I am not looking forward to Monday's service. I am so nervous and scared. I am afraid the pain will be unbearable facing the reality of it all. Could it be worse than than the past three weeks? But one thing is for certain, I am surrounded by so many great friends, family and colleagues. I remember one thing the Pastor told me this past Monday when meeting with him to chat about the upcoming service ....he said, "Just know that everyone at the service will be rooting for you Perry, they are all on your side. So do not worry." That provided such comfort.

The picture is Rhonda at her birthday dinner on October 13, 2017. I forgot the name of the restaurant. She picked. Isn't she beautiful? And, this was just one year after being diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Over these 5 years, she endured many operations, scans, brain radiation, emergency room visits, and weekly Chemo from that point onward until she passed away just two weeks ago. She was a fighter. Never giving up. Not even till the end. I am proud of her. Till Monday, this will be my last post. Love to you all.

 

On Sunday June 13th at 5:33 pm Rhonda Drake, my wife of 35+ years, passed away. She could no longer fight off the effects of her stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and all those chemo drugs. This all occurred while on vacation in Destin, Florida. What was supposed to be a two-week escape for Rhonda from cancer ended up being anything but. Her kidneys failed day two here in Destin and she never fully recovered. We had to put her under, use the support of a breathing tube and connect her with dialysis for three days. It was a nightmare that lasted a total of 9 days.

On Saturday the 12th she was somewhat energetic and looked good. She asked to sit in the guest chair (below), was a bit more talkative than usual and ate some apple sauce and ice cream that I fed her. It was a hopeful sign that we would be able to get her stable enough to transport her back to St. Louis. Little did I realize this is what some call a “medical rally” that occurs right before death…the brain signaling the body to go, go, go one last time.

I snapped this picture of her, I told her she looked like a female version of Mahatma Gandhi. She smiled. I will miss her fiercely. She was my rock, my compass, and is the whole reason I am who I am today. Like a caterpillar transforms to a butterfly, Rhonda too has risen to the heavens. Please scroll through her wall to see the love she had for her butterfly garden, nature, her little dogs Taco and Peanut, and God.

Grandma's Cherry Pie

 

Grandma’s Cherry Pie

Hey Grandma, I made a cherry pie last night

Mixed it up with memories tugging at my side

Used your crock, cracked with time

Saw a family running fast

Felt a world of love and pride

The sifter still works fine

And the rolling pin, she still rolls

And I wondered just how many hearts and how many tears

Did this piece of rolled wood so quietly mend

As we fought the wars in search of peace

Through these many happy years

The plate was worn from your crusts before mine

But it still holds cherries, love and so much more

And I thought, as I held my own family close and tight

I will savor this pie and all it means

With every loving moving bite

Yea, I made a cherry pie last night…

 

Ronald J. Unterreiner

What to Say - RIP

 

Stages of Grief and What to Say

We all have family and/or friends who have experienced the loss of a loved one. More often than not we are speechless. We offer condolences. We say that they will be in our thoughts and prayers. Sometimes we even attempt to console them with evidence that we have comparable pain and suffering. Sadly, it is generally irrelevant and not at all helpful. This is a difficult time to express in words your love and support in this time of sadness and loss. 

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD, [1926–2004] a Swiss-born psychiatrist, humanitarian, and co-founder of the hospice movement around the world described the five stages of grief in her groundbreaking book On Death and Dying. Is there is anything one can say that matches well with the stages model she outlined when it comes to post mortem for survivors? Denial and Isolation – Is it appropriate to allow someone time to process their feelings? Is this a time to extend ourselves in the spirit of friendship and support? Anger – At this stage: Should we try to mitigate the feelings? Is it better to allow an individual to blow off steam? Bargaining – Is this an appropriate time to suggest prayer and/or spiritual intervention? Are their goals/challenges that can give a person motivation for living in spite of their loss? Depression – How can we encourage a kind of Mindfulness in the face of such devastation? Acceptance – We cannot possibly know how someone feels about accepting the inevitable.

A few thoughts and phrases you might want to avoid because they risk either minimizing unique feelings of grief or actually making matters worse: I know how you feel (We all experience and process grief differently.) What a terrible loss. (Avoid dwelling on the pain or difficulty of the loss.) This happened for a reason. (Even with the best intentions behind it, this notion risks assigning blame for the death.)  It is probably best to steer clear of predictions about how their grief journey will go. Be present and supportive instead.

More recently, a friend suggested that the best thing to say to loved ones upon hearing of a loss (at least initially) is "There are no words." Because, so often that is the case. The follow up is rooted in the reality of a longer term. "May the memories (of the departed) be a blessing."

Death, Be Not Proud by John Donne

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.

Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well

And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die

 

Covid - 19 Mosaic Art Project Fundraising 2021

 

Covid-19 Mosaic Art Project pieces - The Dog (Inspired by Keith Haring), Floral Arrangement, Birds on a Wire and Cupid were donated to the LHS Class of 1974 for raffle/fundraising efforts. 

The past year has been challanging for so many around the world. A Global Pandemic that started to have its impact in The United States in March of 2020 is just now starting to cautiously loosen its restriction on social gathering. So when Leslie asked if I would make a donation from my Covid - 19 Mosaic Art Project to help the Lakewood High School class of 1974 I was delighted to be part of it. Well shoot, How could I not help the remarkable Leslie Anne Huey Yousko in this way? A 65th birthday celebration is in the works. Leslie wants me to mark my calendar for August 14, 2021 at the Hooley House Sports Pub & Grille 24940 Sperry Drive in Westlake, Ohio 44145. I hope the committee rememebers to check I.D,'s at the door. (We don't want anyone underage to come into this Irish. They better check for fake identification too. Ha.)   

The Covid -19 Mosaic Art Project represents nearly 200 individual ephemeral compostions that were created using recycled consumer packaging, Elmer's Glue, Scissors, and reclaimed cardboard. I am an art junky who has studied art all of my life. I am partularly inspired by the likes of Marcel Duchamp, Robert Rauchenberg, Andy Warhol, Jean Michel Basquiat, Keith Haring (not to mention Pablo Picasso, Henri Matisse, Vincent van Gogh and on and on). I am thrilled that my passtime has resulted in my artwork finding homes in 12 states. 

As it happens, facebook has allowed me the opportunity to showcase many in the series of Covid - 19 Mosaic Art Project this past year. I am grateful for the patronage of Mary Breiner, Peg Cleary, David Drimer, Rob Morgan, Sheila Hart Elliott, Greg Morgan, Lori Breeding, Meg Millsap, Tara Cooper, Kevin Morgan, Carrie Fontenot, Jennifer Stanfield, Nancy Richie, Dan Morgan, Rob Morgan, Mary Lynn Morgan, Debbie Rudolf, Stephanie Camden, Tammy Gamble, Jim Varney and so many others.

Meanwhile, Judy Knill suggested a Mosaic might be a worthy piece for fundraising in celebration of the Saint Luke parrish Centennial. An all-school alumni reunion is planned for May 21, 2022. My brother Dan is a member of that organizing committee too. So, a Mosaic of Saint Luke the Evangelist is inspired. I kind of dig the fact that Luke was a writer of gospels and the patron saint of artists everywhere. AND, In his spare time, he was a physician - sheesh.

 

   

(c) 2021 Saint Luke the Evangelist by Wes Morgan. Photography by Dan Morgan, Straight Shooter Photography

Ten Books

 

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (1969) American classic and one of the world’s great antiwar books. Centering on the infamous firebombing of Dresden, Billy Pilgrim’s odyssey through time reflects the mythic journey of our own fractured lives as we search for meaning in what we fear most.

I Can't Wait Until Tomorrow ('Cause I Get Better-Looking Every Day), by Joe Namath and with Dick Schaap (1969), published by Random House.

Leonardo da Vinci, by Walter Isaacson (2018) published by Simon & Schuster

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen (2001) Winner of the National Book Award for Fiction is a great work of art and a grandly entertaining overture to our new century: a bold, comic, tragic, deeply moving family drama that stretches from the Midwest at mid-century to Wall Street and Eastern Europe in the age of greed and globalism.

 

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig (1974) One of the most important and influential books written in the past half-century. A powerful, moving, and penetrating examination of how we live . . . and a breathtaking meditation on how to live better.

 

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson (2002) A thrilling narrative recounts the spellbinding tale of the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition. The fair marked the birth of a new epoch in American history. Dr. Henry H. Holmes marked the emergence of a new American archetype, the serial killer.

The Learners by Chip Kidd (2008) A young graphic designer fresh out of college in the summer of 1961 just landed his first job at a wacky advertising firm filled with eccentric creative artists. Everything is going great until Happy is assigned to design a newspaper ad recruiting participants for an experiment in the Yale Psychology Department. Happy can't resist. responding to the ad himself. Little does he know that the experience will devastate him, forcing a reexamination of his past, his soul, and the nature of human cruelty - chiefly his own.

Dethroning the King, by Julie MacIntosh (2010) published by John Wiley & Sons - How the King of Beers collapsed without a fight and what it means for America's place in the post-Recession world. How did InBev, a Belgian company controlled by Brazilians, take over one of America's most beloved brands with scarcely a whimper of opposition? Chalk it up to perfect timing—and some unexpected help from powerful members of the Busch dynasty, the very family that had run the company for more than a century.

The New New Thing by Michael Lewis (2014) - Michael Lewis set out on a safari through Silicon Valley to find the world’s most important technology entrepreneur. He found this in Jim Clark, a man whose achievements include the founding of three separate billion-dollar companies. An ingeniously conceived history of the Internet revolution.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (1885) Among the Great American Novels. It is told in the first person by Huck Finn. The book is noted for its colorful description of people and places along the Mississippi River. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is an often scathing satire on entrenched attitudes, particularly racism.