Sunday, January 5, 2014

Failure Coach III

Alan at Home

“You just don’t get it. The idea behind Failure Coaching is to own your setbacks, to learn from disappointment and grow as a person. It is NOT about helping or causing people to become unsuccessful! We want our people to achieve all they want to achieve in life. We just want people to face the fact that the probability of falling short of almost any goal they set for themselves…Well, that achievement to which you aspire is probably not gonna happen…So get yourself ready to deal with it… Wake up! Ask yourself: What Next?  I’m sick of hearing about the millions of dollars being spent on successful habits, or what a handful of companies have done to become GREAT or parables about moving cheese or avoiding dysfunction, or dressing for success, or power networking or building your own fucking brand or leveraging big data or what color your parachute is or how to write the perfect friggin’ resume or how overcome objections in sales or job interviews. At some point people just have to stop and smell the coffee. They didn’t do it. Whatever it is. They just did not make it. So What! The answer is probably NOT to buy more books or go back to school or go online or go to a seminar or join professional associations or even join a country club.”

Alan is on a roll. He has index cards with notes in front of him in his home office. They do not appear to be organized in a particular way. He’s drinking his 4th cup of coffee (tepid, black with Sweet n Low). He is talking loudly as if he needs to project to be heard on his speaker phone.

“Okay, Okay I hear you. It’s me your talking to Alan. Remember me -- Bob? I’ve supported you long before the podcasts, YouTube videos, the blogging and the sick-o millenials that seek you out on Twitter,,, #bullshit (hashtag bull shit) and want you to speak to them via Google Hang Outs or some webcast shit. I swear, you are losing your marbles man.” Bob Caster is usually unflappable. So Alan takes a few deep breaths and shifts gears.

“Alright Bob, why are you so critical of what I’m doing here? Never mind. I value you as a friend and adviser and I hope you will continue to be my attorney. I had no idea I would have to spend so much time protecting my intellectual property. Shit, this ain’t rocket surgery! Ha, I love that expression, rocket surgery. Huh.”

"Fine Alan, but to tell you the truth, the real reason I called you was to let you know that I’m taking a job with a big stupid law firm downtown. I hope you will stick with me. You should - because I’ll have admin support and a big old office we can hang out in. If I can build my practice with you and some of your motivational speaker cult friends, I can make partner. Maybe, just maybe I'll have enough money to check into Gatesworth Assisted Living when I’m 80.”

“Well that is terrific news. I had no idea you were even talking to any law firms. I thought you liked the freedom of having your own thing.’

“Well, you are my best client but revenue from you, even as it is on the uptick, isn’t enough and I’m not doing anything for business development. I will still be dealing with an ‘eat what you kill’ culture but they’ve got young hungry lawyers and a pretty good marketing program. I hope you are okay with this.”

“Fuck yeah. You and I both know my thing isn’t gonna make me or anybody Bill Gates or Warren Buffet rich. In fact, we can have our next power lunch meeting at your place. Jan will love the downtown ambiance. Bluestone is flexible. Laurie is already downtown most days. I want to keep my go-to front four busy if I can. Jan, Dan, Laurie, and Bob-O”

“Great. I will call you in a couple of days when I know more about my new digs.”   

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