Chapter Thirty Six
Florida Spring Break 2008 – HBE
expatriates gone wild.
Brad
Heinz Wayne Zimmerman, Wes Morgan, Charlie Lee.
Bob
Koester, George Ryll, Frank Cupola, Mitch Miller, Jack Kennedy (host).
Provisions
A ten-year tradition has some cadence to it. Bob is
graciously opening his house to the gang but his hospitality doesn’t end there.
He’s the advance man. Arriving early, he does the grocery shopping for the
crew. Just important stuff. A giant bottle of Crown Royal for Charlie. (Ed
likes Crown too, but he’s out on doctor’s orders this year). Vodka for George.
Captain Morgan Coconut Bay Rum for Frankie, Beer, oreo cookies, potato chips, and
donuts for breakfast and coffee. Soap didn’t occur to anyone – so that became a
separate mission.
Tee Times
Jack Kennedy retired to The
Villages more than five years ago. He has the
rules of engagement down to a science when it comes to tee-times. I’m afraid my
brother’s “no show” for Saturday morning might have cost him 3 points. (The
computer system at The Villages will mark you lousy if you abuse your privileges.) Still,
well in advance we had a plan for Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning
rounds. Afternoon rounds for the golf junkies (I count myself among them) would
have to made closer to intended tee times. (Wayne’s cheat sheet with phone
numbers came in handy for this drill. And Charlie has the right temperament to
negotiate with the seniors who typically work the pro shops at The Villages.)
Arnold Palmer Legends, Cane Garden Country Club, Hacienda Hills, Baseline (the
short course), Glenview Country Club, Nancy Lopez Legacy Golf Course, and Tierra
del Sol. Seven rounds in four days.
Mind if I stand back here?
Brad is starting his swing routine. He’s been around the
game since childhood. In fact, he grew up on a golf course in South County,
before it was fashionable to buy property adjacent to a golf course. He learned
how to play with balls he was able to shag from the rough, out of bounds and
skimming the bottom of a shallow water hazard behind his house. Today he hits
the balls a long way and every hole is a par or birdie opportunity.
“Mind if I stand back here?” asks Wayne from directly
behind Brad on the tee box. “No, you’re fine.” Mumbles Brad trying not to break
his concentration.
“Huh?”
“No, You’re fine”
“Okay, ‘cause it’s easier for me to see where the ball goes
from back her and…” THWACK! Brad’s ball travels with an easy draw right to
left, carries the traps and comes to rest about 290 yards on the left side of
the fairway.
“Wow, good shot.” says Wayne.
“Good Shot.” says Wes.
“Way to go, Brad.” Adds Charlie. But Charlie knows this is typical
of Brad and he also knows that on a good day he can give Brad a run for his
money. Since Brad works for Charlie (Drury Inns), they’re playing partners.
Brad, Charlie, Wayne and Wes are a foursome at the Lopez Legacy Golf Course at
The Villages – Florida’s Friendliest Hometown.
Back at the frat house.
Bob Koester and his wife Laura were good enough to purchase
a vacation home in Florida’s Friendliest
Hometown. The pad is newly furnished and ready for the expatriates to crash
between rounds. Such a deal. Frank and Jack started this golf getaway tradition
with a trip to Lou Cipolla’s place in
West Palm Beach, Florida ten years ago (Trains Planes and Automobiles). Now the
posse includes me. (Back for year two.)
“A beautiful picture.” says Frank. “I think I will take a picture
of that wet towel hangin’ on the lampshade and send it to Laura” (Bob’s wife).
“And maybe she’d like to see this sink full of dishes too (mostly glasses)” he
adds. Frank is teasing of course. What can you expect with a house full of unsupervised
guys – even if they are all adults ranging from 50 to post retirement age? Linda
might enjoy the tin foil ash tray overflowing with cigar ashes and butts too.
Not to mention the sight of sleeping accommodations of the nightly snore fest
from Thursday through Sunday. Frank and Wayne share a room and both have
breathing apparatus that make the room sound like an iron lung. Bob is sharing
the master bedroom with George. Brad and I are in the guest room. Charlie has
the couch and Mitch brought his own air mattress for the living room floor.
Ow Ow Ow
It can happen to anyone. Bob slammed Mitch’s fingers in the
door of the rented mini-van.“Ow Ow Ow.” Mitch can’t articulate what’s happened
to him and it takes Bob a full three seconds to open the door so he can shake
off the pain and shock of the mishap. It happened before he had a chance to hit
a single golf ball off his new Taylormade knock-off clubs he purchased on
e-Bay. Mitch was flexing his fingers and practicing his interlocking grip on an
imaginarygolf club all night hoping he’d be in playing shape by morning.
“Ow Ow Ow” brought fits of laughter everytime. It was a
good device to bridge the gaps between laughs. Mitch is Frank’s favorite foil.
“We went to the pool and Mitch was like Steve Wonder over here….with his head
rocking back and fourth with the earphones…and playing air piano…He looked like
a special child….and everyone at the pool moved away thinking he was retarded…”
the routine turns into a fictional scenario set on the plane ride back home.
“What’s a matter with Mitch? …somebody shoved an iPod up his ass…” This and
other jabs. Frank hit Mitch a little below the belt too. Mitch would have to
get another Coor’s Light to give him
enough time to think of a comeback. But Frank would only make it more personal
before the comedy was suspended for the evening.
Belly Dancing at the Bed and Breakfast outside Sioux City,
Iowa
The truth is stranger than fiction. In the van, coming back
from dinner one night, Koester, George, Frank and I tried not to listen in on
Brad as he was consoling his wife who was with a girlfriend, her sister and
another girl on a trip that included belly dancing lessons. They found a place
advertised as a bed and breakfast outside Sioux City, Iowa.
We couldn’t help eavesdropping. “Linda, it’s probably just
squirrels. They are probably as frightened of you as you are of them. They
won’t come in the house….Well why don’t you call the guy you rented the place
from?….How much did you pay for this place anyway?...Well, if you are really
worried….Is there a motel nearby? …” The four women were mortified to be in a rented
cabin, at night, in the middle of Iowa and hearing scraping below the
floorboards of the house. Brad was doing his best to calm his wife. But finally
caved to the pressure of the moment.
“Dr. Morgan wants to know if you all have had your rabies
shots.”
“You asshole, CLICK”
The helplessness of the situation, the Dr. Morgan joke and
the efforts to keep the snickers under control exploded at that point.
By the time Linda called back, the girls were laughing too.
“We are gonna set a trap with bon bons…it’s all we have…We scared them away
with our finger cymbals…they’re heading for the hills ….” Needless to say the
girls survived the night and we were back on the golf course by morning.
The Mouse and Grandkids on a T-Shirt
George drove in for the golf weekend from New Jersey but made plans to visit Disney World with his wife and
grandchild. So George was already gone by Sunday. Wayne invested blocks of time
investigating the T-Shirt imprint of a family photo of his three grandchildren
but failed to produce. Grand kids. Yikes!
FSK
The urge to tell or retell a Fred Kummer story cannot be
denied on these trips. Fred is a unique individual who has left an indelible
mark on all of us. He started his company in 1960. All of us spent some time at
HBE. Career flypaper. The opportunities are undeniable but the trade-off is you
have to deal with FSK. By Fred’s own account. “Fidel Castro and I came into
power around the same time.” And now, on the eve of his 79th birthday he has outlasted Castro!
Just a few examples:
Charlie offered an account of a presentation on the big
island of Hawaii. Charlie, who had the local knowledge, suggested that suits
and ties at a meeting of healthcare administers was a bad move. Charlie
suggested they would be dressed in customary Aloha shirts. “Dammit Gary, How
come you didn’t mention that? Is there a gift shop around?” Sure enough the HBE
team showed up in Aloha shirts and were appropriately in style for the meeting.
Last year Charlie told me an FSK story that involved a
human error – miscalculation on a hotel construction project. We all make
mistakes but FSK has a way of making sure you never forget. He yelled at
Charlie for his blunder and presented him with a Chinese abacus. “Maybe you
should use this next time!” Charlie lived long enough to attract an offer from
the Drury Inns. (He worked for HBE for 19 years.) He’s now head of construction
at that family owned business. Upon departure from HBE he was able to return
the abacus to Fred.
Frank had a similar story last year about Fred’s
unreasonableness over the construction progress of the Denver Adam’s Mark
hotel. Fred is a great man. He is never at fault.
Wayne is as fastidious and as detail-oriented as you could
ever wish for in a construction estimator. But even he has a story about Fred
accusing him of carelessly leaving two full floors off an estimate. Wayne was
with HBE for 30 years. As head of estimating he was a “go to” guy. Fred would
rely on his swift calculations to conjure up a number for a project that would
eventually become a guaranteed price. (A value driven, no-nonsense, price that
might not change more than a few percentage points upon completion of working
drawings.) On this occasion though, Wayne was working with less than full
information and in classic crisis rush created by the great man.
Bob Koester doesn’t elaborate much on his experiences with
FSK. It might be lawyer-client confidentiality but it is more likely that he’d
rather not relive some of those finer moments in his legal career. In fact, the
State of Missouri still shows Bob as an officer of the firm – a clerical error
he intends to clear up as soon as he returns from this trip.
When I get back to St. Louis I’m gonna send Charlie Lee the
YouTube link to the famous scene from On
the Waterfront. Marlon Brando’s character is in the
back of a taxicab with his brother. It’s a great scene and it is such a great
illustration of how lives and careers are influenced by experiences and
associations.
“You
could have been another Billy Kahn. That Manager brought you along too fast.”
“It wasn’t him, Charley! It was you. You remember that night
in the Garden, you came down to my dressing room and said: ‘Kid, this ain’t
your night!’ We’re going for the price on Wilson. ‘You remember that? ‘This
ain’t your night!’ My night! I coulda taken Wilson apart! So what happens? He
gets a title shot outdoors in a ball park – and whadda I get? A one way ticket
to Palookaville. You was my brother, Charley. You shoulda looked out for me a
little bit. You shoulda taken care of me – just a little bit – so I wouldn’t
have to take them dives for the short-end money.”
“I had some bets down for you. You saw some money.”
“You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a
contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. Let’s
face it …it was you, Charley.”
It’s good to be home. Happy Birthday, Fred.